"I will never miss you because of what we do, but what we are together"

I've had a lot of friends and acquaintances ask me, lately, how married life is going.  My initial answer is that nothing has changed.  And that's what I love about it.

But, in reality, it's gotten me thinking a lot about the constructs of relationships -- relationships I've been in, relationships in which I've been a confidant to either side or both, relationships I've observed.  And, someday, I'll go in depth about all of this, but tonight I'll just ponder upon "why marriage?"

A few years ago, J asked me if getting married was important to me.  My answer was "yes," but I couldn't really put a finger on why.  I'm not a religious individual, so marriage doesn't have the overtones of God that some people experience and find important when they wed.  I actually tend to believe that marriage is an institution that is far too controlled by the government.  Why should I be able to marry my committed partner, and have the rights and recognitions that go along with that, when I have good friends in serious relationships who can't share the same rights?  And, despite equality talks, why should I care about a signed slip of paper and a tax break?  Because of these things, I haven't really been able to get a good grasp on why marriage even matters to me.

After J and I got engaged, we started having talks about what sort of a wedding we wanted, and I think that's when it started becoming clear to me why I wanted to get married.  Ultimately, we decided to have a wedding with as many of our closest friends as could fit in the venue we chose.  And we chose a large venue.  We wanted our friends and family to help generate ideas and creations for our wedding.  J's best friend married us, while one of my best friends read a hilarious Neil Gaiman poem.  My mom created the decorations, and a whole slew of our friends and family helped to decorate the reception hall.  It was fantastic.  Every piece of our wedding had parts of us, our family, and our friends within it.  We wanted a wedding that would celebrate love in all ways -- the love we have for each other, the love we have for our friends, and the love that our families have shared with us for our lives.  It is our friends and families who helped us become who we are, and, thus, they are important to the construct of our love.

The act of getting married wasn't us saying that we were MORE committed to each other.  We already had made those promises to each other.
The act of getting married  wasn't to change our lives around for each other, because we accept that we are each individuals.  But, we already were willing to shift, concede, and compromise whenever necessary.
Marriage is, in a sense, a conversation of our promises with our loved ones, to let them in on our plans, our hopes, our dreams.  It is an open phone line for them to share theirs with us.  And, maybe that is why I knew that marriage was important to me: so no one ever questions my motives, my truths, or my devotion.

A couple weeks after we got married, J was playing with his ring and said to me, "It just feels right."  And that's why we got married.  Because the ceremony, the friends, the rings that we wear, the smiles we share -- they complete an invisible circle that creates our own little perfection.

From now on, when someone asks me how married life is going, I will remember that response: It just feels right.

We are not friends
because of the laughs
we spend
but the tears
we save

I don't want to be near you
for the thoughts we share
but the words we never have
to speak

I will never miss you
because of what we do
but what we are
together

-Nikki Giovanni

Meet me at the altar in your white dress / we ain't gettin' no younger, we might as well do it

So, we got hitched over the weekend.  It was fantastic.  I've never been to such an awesome party in my honor.  I'm still waiting for all of my mom's pictures, and, of course, the professional photographer's shots, too.

Here are a couple shots from our friends' Facebook pages that sum up the day nicely:

Our ceremony was short and sweet.  J's best friend Bill came from San Francisco to be our officiant.  He provided an awesome humor to the ceremony.   One of my best friends, Kate, did a fantastic reading by Neil Gaiman called "The Day the Saucers Came."

My wedding and engagement rings, engraved and etched 3-dimensionally.  Further, lines from the ee cummings poem, "i carry your heart" are engraved along the inside.

 Here we are with J's cousin Jamie and aunt Mollie.

The Ben Daniels Band provided hours of fantastic music during the course of the evening.  Everyone really loved them.

Here is a fantastic picture with some of my favorite Ann Arbor girls, Sam, Sauce, Kolby, and Ariane.  I love this picture so much!

And, here we are... looking at you.

We had a fantastic day, and we are so blessed with many amazing friends and family members who gave us so much help getting the wedding ready to go, and provided us support and love through every step of our journey so far.  We have got to be about the luckiest people in the world to be surrounded by so much love.

I want to give a special shout out to our vendors who made it such a fun and unique day:

• Standard Pizza Co., Grand Rapids, MI.  They made the best wood-fired pizza and didn't object at all to traveling across the state to get to our event.  They were super easy to work with, and really nice, and went out of their way for us over and over.
• Sayklly's Candy, Escanaba, MI, made the favors and such fun purple boxes.  We.... we didn't even get any because our guests managed to scavenge all of the extra boxes, including the ones at our place-settings.  I can only assume they were awesome.  Jim at Sayklly's was so personable, as one would expect a UPper to be. 
• Abracadabra, Ann Arbor, MI provided us such wonderful and special rings that they designed after understanding what we wanted.  They turned out perfectly!
• Plum Market, Ann Arbor, MI.  Allie, the catering manager, was super easy to work with and gave us exactly what we wanted.  She was super great.
• Ashleigh Nesmith, our wedding consultant.  She worked so hard to help to give us the best and easiest day possible, and she is such a doll to work with.  Please hire her for your event -- she is SO worth it.  (Email me for her contact info.) 
• Jesse Reyelts, Minneapolis, MN.  Jesse is licensed in cosmetology and is excellent with hair and make-up.  Luckily, she's my cousin, so she offered to make my life easy and do those things for me.  She did an amazing job, and I got compliments all night about how gorgeous my hair was.
• Sharpe Contrast Photography, South Lyon, MI, provided us a fantastic price for a great engagement shoot, and a lot of attention during our wedding.  He was super fun to work with.
• Cobblestone Farms through the City of Ann Arbor, provided us with such a fantastic venue.
• Gwen's Cake Decorating and Etc., Saline, MI.  Though it drives me insane that she has the words "and etc." in her business name, she gave us EXACTLY what we wanted -- a unique cake, delicious cupcakes, and fun cookies.  Our guests complimented us time and again for having delicious sweets at the wedding.

I can't even tell you the help that my mom and dad provided before, during, and after the event, also. My mom and aunts made all of the decorations, and a whole slew of our relatives and friends helped set up the day of the event.

We are slowly cleaning up our house to get back to normal life, while also taking care of the name-changing and financial-organizing business. Married life isn't so bad!

Who'd-a-thunk that I would ever get hitched?!  :)

I don't want a lot for Christmas, there's just one thing I need / I don't care about the presents underneath the Christmas tree . . .

The holiday season is a time of love, of compassion, of vibrant songs of mangers and trees. Because 'tis the season, I've decided to make a list of things I've learned to love since my arrival in Michigan.

1. Journey. Journey may not hail from the great state of Michigan, but they sure won Detroit's heart with their 1981 hit, "Don't Stop Believin'." Here's the cast of Glee performing the song:
   
   
2. Cherries. I never used to like cherries, mostly because of their pits. I guess I thought I was going to eat it and a cherry tree would grow in my tummy. You know, little kid things like that. But, I learned that I actually do love cherries. And Traverse City, Michigan is home of the National Cherry Festival, along with all of northwest Michigan being home to an abundance of cherries. Apparently Michigan grows 75% of the nation's tart cherries. Neat. There are cherry wines, vodkas, jams, etc. to be had here in Michigan. And it's fantastic!
   
   
3. Microbrews. Michigan has about a thousand-million-gazillion microbrews that are just amazing. Before I moved here, I actually didn't drink beer at all. A summer of club ultimate changed that, and now I'm a flip-cup master, and I've learned to appreciate some of the fine beers as well. Some of my favorites include:
   
   • Jolly Pumpkin's Bam Bier, hailing from the nearby town of Dexter
   • Bell's Oberon from K-zoo
   • Dark Horse Raspberry Ale, out of Marshall, MI
   • MBC's Screaming Pumpkin Spiced Ale, located near Lansing
   
   There are a lot more great microbreweries around the state, which all put out some interesting and tasty beers.
   
4. Michigan Football. Well, the team hasn't exactly been great under RichRod. In fact, it's been sometimes painful to watch over the last few years. But the experience of being at The Big House with 100,000+ fans cheering wildly is absolutely incredible! Unless you went to undergrad at State or OSU, once you get to school here at the U of M, you learn quickly to be a fan of the maize and blue. The Twin Cities is a lot more about professional sports, but here in Ann Arbor, the fans are more likely to tune in on a Saturday than a Sunday to football. So, I don my Michigan gear and go out to a bar, friend's house, or even to the stadium, and I cheer for the home team.
   
   
5. Frisbee! Now, I've played frisbee for a long time, but I hadn't really played competitively except a year way back in college, until I got here to Michigan. I joined a club team the first summer I was here, and, since then, I've been filling my summers with tournaments and traveling and practices and frisbee friends. I've even become semi-active in helping to organize our local league here. Along with the love of the game, I've definitely fallen in love with my friends on teams and throughout league, as they've become a family to me.
   
   
6. Juggles. I save the best for last. My move to Michigan has made me love many things, but the one I love the most is my fantastic boyfriend, Juggles. We've had a few years of bliss together now, with many adventures including getting a kitty, vacations around the USA and Caribbean, buying a house, and even just making dinner together (it can be an adventure!). He's truly an amazing man who teaches me new things constantly and always puts a smile on my face. I love the life we've built, and the direction we're traveling together. And every day, I am thankful to have him as a best friend and partner.
   

Happy Holidays!

Meet me at the altar in your white dress / we ain't gettin' no younger, we might as well do it

There's been a lot of controversy surrounding the gay marriage issue over the last few years. As you most likely know, Prop 8 just passed in California, changing the State Constitution to define marriage as an act between a man and a woman, thus overriding the decision made earlier in the year about the Supreme Court.

I found the following graph helpful in explaining the consequences of gay marriage. I think it paints a very clear picture as to why Prop 8 passed in California.



Wait... why did Prop 8 pass?