I'm climbing up on the railing, trying my best not to look down. I'm going to do my best swan dive into shark infested waters.

We live in an apartment complex that has, what some may call, nice landscaping. We have ponds and playgrounds and trees and flowers. There are even tomato plants somehow growing through the rock landscaping stuff that's outside our computer room window.

Well, last May, I returned home from school to find fake plastic swans floating in the pond. We hypothesized that they were there to keep the geese away or something. If this was the case, it was highly unsuccessful because we had many families of geese grow up around the ponds outside our apartment door.

I digress...

The fake plastic swans floating in the ponds were named Phyllis and Martin, and they had a love affair much like Romeo and Juliet... Phyllis was on one side of the pond and Martin the other, strapped down and not allowed to move.

Well, sometime over the past week or two, Phyllis and Martin became real. I kid you not. Those things somehow transformed because we now have two swans that circle the pond together.

Birds don't like me. This is a-whole-nother story for another day, but they don't like me.

Thus, when taking out the trash today, I shouldn't have been surprised to be greeted unamicably by Phyllis and Martin as they charged me, hissing. I wasn't even in their business at all. No, they just charged. So I, of course, screamed, and ran the long way around the building to get back to my apartment. I walked in crying and laughing at the same time, and Juggles just couldn't quite figure out what to do with me.

So, I looked out the window and noticed Phyllis and Martin swimming around the pond closest to our apartment and decided to take a few pictures.

Phyllis and Martin look lovely swimming around the pond together.


Why are they getting out of the water?


No, really... why?


They really are coming after me! They're on the patio. (view from inside my screen door... which they pecked at...)


Annabelle will get 'em!




Charlie lays down the smack!



And don't come back!





Phyllis and Martin are assholes. I liked them better when they were plastic.